Cynthia Sax And The Mafia Squirrels
Note: I sent the Dear Wonderful Hubby out to take a photo of a Mafia Squirrel but they have a no paparazzi policy and avoided the camera (while chattering angrily at him). This stock photo was crafted by and indirectly purchased from J.A. Dunbar. The squirrel closely resembles one of the Mafia Squirrels.
The Dear Wonderful Hubby and I rarely use our backyard…which is a mistake because a few years ago, a group of squirrels moved in and have claimed the space as theirs and theirs alone. We call them the Mafia Squirrels.
Whenever the Dear Wonderful Hubby does anything in the backyard, like cut the grass, they chatter loudly at him and pelt him with pinecones. They fight any other creature that dares enter the space. They amass treasure, have hung a faded blue undershirt ‘flag’ high on one of the fir trees and adhere to a clear hierarchy, appointing a massive gray squirrel, the Don, as their leader.
Our big German Neighbor, a gentle giant with a weakness for all animals, feeds them. Often. In the Fall, the Mafia Squirrels hide the excess food on our exterior windowsills and in the barbeque and other places. If we touch it, we invoke their wrath. During the Winter, they hide their ill-gotten gains in the snow.
That creates a problem in the Spring (right now). The snow melts and birds can spot these treats from the sky. When the birds swoop down to eat the bounty on the ground, they also see the hoards on the windowsills.
This happens almost every year. And the scenario unfolds usually the same way.
It is total chaos, an all-out war between the birds and the Mafia Squirrels.
Yesterday, the Dear Wonderful Hubby and I lived through a scene from Hitchcock’s The Birds. A gazillion starlings invaded our yard. They covered the ground, a rippling carpet of squawking black feathers. They attacked the windowsill stashes also, beating their wings against the window glass while they dined. We didn’t dare leave our house.
The Mafia Squirrels tried their best to protect their bounty. They yelled at the birds and threw pinecones at them. The big gray squirrel, the Don, finally sent his minions out to try to scatter the enemy and retrieve as much of the food as possible.
This morning, the war is over and the birds are gone. So is much of the food. The Mafia Squirrels are angry. One of them stood outside the glass sliding door and lodged their numerous complaints. Loudly. While holding a piece of bagel in his little hands. He glared at the Dear Wonderful Hubby the entire time. They seem to be blaming him for the raid.
There is no need to fear. The Mafia Squirrels will soon regain their losses. The big German Neighbor has put out a huge selection of food for them. They are industriously hiding that generous offering.
And next Spring, the war will resume once more.
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